There’s no need to hide the cracks because we’re on a winning streak now. So, get ready to chuckle with these hilarious toilet paper jokes and puns! They’re guaranteed to keep a smile on your face!
Funny Toilet Paper Jokes and Puns
Have you ever run out of toilet paper and resorted to using old newspapers instead?
The Times are rough.
Why do you think the toilet paper didn’t cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
The other day, my wife said, “I wish I had bigger boobs.”
I responded, “Just wipe toilet paper between them.”
Confused, she asked, “What would that even do?!”
And I playfully teased, “Well, just look at what it did to your butt!”
Do you know what the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both search for Klingons around Uranus.
I tried to connect with my inner self today.
It turns out, that’s the last time I’ll buy cheap toilet paper.
Where do you think the Terminator found toilet paper?
Aisle B, at the back.
Still no sign of toilet paper at the store today.
Seems like they’ve been wiped out.
So, I ran out of toilet paper, and I started using lettuce leaves to wipe.
But now, I’m afraid this is just the tip of the iceberg.
My wife always scolds me for the way I face the toilet paper, but I can’t help it.
That’s just how I roll.
What do you call a dinosaur that uses cheap toilet paper?
Megasoreass.
Do you know where toilet paper comes from?
Toiletries.
Can you guess a mathematician’s favorite type of toilet paper?
Multiply.
Once, a man needed to poop but had no toilet paper. His friend suggested wiping with a dollar bill.
He returned with poop on his fingers.
Curiously, his friend asked, “Why do you have poop on your fingers?”
The man responded, “It’s hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel!”
Hey, does anyone here know how to toast toilet paper?
A friend mentioned it’s possible, but I’ve never been able to figure it out.
I only know how to brown it on one side.
Today, my son asked me if he could eat toilet paper.
When I asked why, he said, “Then it wipes itself on the way out.”
I’ve recently switched to using a bidet instead of toilet paper.
It’s right up my alley.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
What’s the maximum amount of toilet paper one can have?
A butt load.
In my opinion, ultra-strong toilet paper should be called “heavy doody.”
Personally, I prefer using single-ply toilet paper.
It adds a more personal touch.
BREAKING NEWS: An explosion occurred at the Charmin toilet paper plant in Baltimore, Maryland.
Fortunately, no one was killed, but many suffered from soft tissue damage.
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So, you’re the one!
What do toilet paper and numbers have in common?
Well, they can both be multi-ply’d.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper stop?
Because it was on a roll.
Once, I called the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a faulty layer of their product.
Sadly, they wouldn’t re-ply.
Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus.
But for me, it’s because everyone is out of toilet paper.
And in case you were wondering: if you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should’ve seen a doctor long before COVID-19.
A deer owned a bar. One day, he noticed that the toilet window was broken, so he asked the patrons, “Who broke the window?”
A hare timidly responded, “I, uh, kinda did…”
Amused, the deer asked, “What do you mean by ‘kinda’?”
The hare explained, “Well, I was taking a dump, and after the bear finished his business, he mistook me for toilet paper and threw me right out the window!”
Infuriated, the deer fined the bear $500.
A few days later, the toilet window broke again. The deer asked the crowd, “Who broke the window this time?”
A squirrel nervously confessed, “I, uh, kinda did…”
Curious, the deer inquired, “What do you mean by ‘kinda’?”
The squirrel admitted, “Well, I was taking a dump, and after the bear finished his business, he mistook me for toilet paper and tossed me right out the window!”
Furious, the deer fined the bear $1,000.
Days later, the entire toilet was in disarray. The fixtures were smashed, the toilet broken and bloodied, the window shattered, and the door scratched. The deer demanded, “Who is responsible for this chaos?”
The hedgehog meekly replied, “I, uh, kinda did…”
Jokes About Toilet Paper
If these rib-ticklers had you laughing, we have even more funny jokes for you at Quill And Fox. Check out these joke categories:
- Butt Jokes
- Colonoscopy Jokes
- Dad Jokes
- Diarrhea Jokes
- Fart Jokes
- Poop Jokes
- Toilet Jokes
- Underwear Jokes
So, get ready for more laughs and head over to Quill And Fox!
Note: All jokes are meant to be light-hearted and for entertainment purposes only.